My Husband's Family Still Talks to His Ex

I don't usually post about my personal life online, but accept decided to reach out to strangers to hear their opinions. I was married for 13 years earlier I finally cut ties with my ex and we got divorced. My ex-husband and I are bang-up at co-parenting. We aren't friends but can go forth enough to try to exercise what'south best for our five kids. I have total custody and he has visitation. We both nourish school conferences and events and brand "big decisions" regarding the kids together.

When I fabricated the decision to divorce, I was prepared to "surrender" a lot of things. I knew I would struggle financially and was prepared to give up my cell phone, cable TV, eating out, and even the possibility of having to move to a smaller house or apartment. I wasn't prepared to give upwards my family, and that really took me past surprise.

Why I Want My Family to Cut Ties with My Ex

I've always been very close to my older sister. We moved our families from California to Utah together and used to practise everything together (vacations, outings, shopping, etc.). Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephew's ball games. I attended a couple just soon stopped considering I wanted to cut ties with my ex, I didn't want to have to be effectually him.

As time went on, I noticed that my sis (and her married man and kids) still stayed pretty close to my ex. One of the first "large" holidays after my divorce was Thanksgiving. We had agreed that I would have the kids. I planned on going to my sister's house for Thanksgiving dinner as I had e'er done before. As information technology got closer to Thanksgiving, I started worrying that my ex would be there. Information technology's non that nosotros can't be at the same identify. We don't hate each other, but I don't like being around him.

A few days earlier Thanksgiving, I text my sister to ask her if he would exist in that location. She said she didn't know yet. Two days before Thanksgiving, I text again and asked and let her know that if he was going to be there, the kids and I would not. She responded and told me that yes, he would be in that location. That was ane of the hardest Thanksgivings for me. The day before Thanksgiving, I went shopping and bought everything for Thanksgiving dinner. The kids and I spent the twenty-four hours at home together. We cooked together and had our own fiddling dinner. Just it wasn't the aforementioned. We weren't effectually family unit.

This kind of thing has continued, and I take distanced myself from her and her family.

About a year and a half after my divorce, my footling sis and her husband decided to movement from California to exist closer to us. I was beyond excited that I would accept the risk to be close to my niggling sis, nieces, and new baby nephew. I couldn't wait for them to movement then I could take a relationship with them. I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a business firm five doors down from my ex-hubby.

Since the move, my little sis has also gotten really close to my ex. He goes to her house during the holidays. He invites them over for barbecues. They all carve pumpkins (Halloween) and build gingerbread houses (Christmas) together, etc.

Soon after my niggling sister moved, my mom did too. Now, my two sisters, my mom, and I all live in the aforementioned boondocks.

My ex has our kids every other weekend. Every time I pick them up, I hear the stories of what they did. He also has a girlfriend now. They (my ex, his girlfriend, my sisters, my brothers-in-constabulary, my mom, and my nieces and nephews) take Superbowl parties together, accept "family days" at the park, become shooting, go out to dinner or breakfast, etc. My sis has become great friends with my ex'south girlfriend. They all hang out together. They (and my kids) went and decorated my ex's work for his birthday, etc., etc., etc.

I endeavour really hard to practice what'south all-time for my kids. Even though it hurts me desperately to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family practice together all the time, I never say anything most it to my kids. I listen to their stories and concur back the tears until I'grand alone considering I don't desire them to feel bad or remember that they are doing annihilation incorrect. Merely I truly think it'south wrong. I wish they would just cutting ties with my ex already.

I become forth with him when I take to: when I feel it'southward best for our kids (birthdays, school events). I am ever civil with/to him and never say anything bad well-nigh him to or in forepart of my kids. I listen to how my kids are developing a relationship with his girlfriend. Information technology hurts sometimes to hear how shut they are to her and all the "motherly" kinds of things they do together, only I think that's skilful for my kids and I effort to support it.

I feel like I do everything I can to help my kids and e'er try to look at things from other points of views, but I don't think I should have to cull to either surrender my family or spend so much fourth dimension (including every holiday) with my ex-husband. I don't similar who I am or how I feel around him. I become unhappy and grouchy. I shouldn't take to experience that way in order to spend time with my family, and I don't think my kids should have to see me like that either.

I feel like an emotional mess and cry whatever time I think about all of it. I don't talk to or meet my family unit anymore. I don't get to see my lilliputian niece or nephew grow. I don't get to know and spend time with them.

My question is this:

Am I unreasonable to desire my family to cutting ties with him and support me and my decision? Or should I exist expected to but "deal with it"?

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Source: https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/want-family-to-cut-ties-with-ex-am-i-being-unreasonable